75 Incredibly Funny Travel Quotes that Every Traveler Can Relate To

funny travel quotes

As you know, traveling is a staple of our lives. Sometimes, travel can get stressful (especially with 5 kids) even for the most wanderlust-filled people among us. Usually, those times of stress or sometimes disaster are often the times we look back and laugh at the most. Here are 75 funny travel quotes that remind me of so many of our journeys.

75 Incredibly Funny Travel Quotes that Every Traveler Can Relate To

funny travel quotes

Funny Travel Quotes – “Tips”

  1. “Spain travel tip: If bathroom genders are indicated by flamingos, the boy flamingo is the one with a hat. I learned this the hard way.” –Dave Barry
  2. “Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.” –Jerry Seinfeld
  3. “When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.” –Unknown
  4. “I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.” –Oscar Wilde
  5. “On a New York subway you can get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.” –Lewis Gizzard
  6. “When you come to a fork in the road…take it.” –Yogi Berra
  7. “Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.” –George Carlin
  8. “You can knock anyone down in Spain and then just pretend there are a bunch of bulls chasing you.” –Guy Endore-Kaiser
  9. “Buy the ticket, take the ride.” -Unknown
  10. I think everyone has had a trip like this. “It’s easier to find a traveling companion than to get rid of one.” –Art Buchwald
  11. “Be advised that there is no parking in Europe.” –Dave Barry
  12. “Two great talkers will not travel far together.” –Spanish proverb
  13. “Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.” –Mark Twain
  14. My philosophy on vacations (and that is why I have dessert every night on vacay) “Vacation calories don’t count!” -Unknown
  15. “I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.” –Mark Twain
  16. “My parents complain I travel too much. I mean, I could be a drug addict, do they realize how lucky they are?” -Unknown

funny travel quotes

Airplanes & Airports Travel Quotes

Oh the “joy” of flying. Here are some of my favorite funny travel quotes that relate to those many hours in very uncomfortable seats.

  1. “Airplane travel is nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo.” –Al Gore
  2. “The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.” –Andy Borowitz
  3. “Airline travel is hours of boredom interrupted by moments of stark terror.” –Al Bolisk
  4. “It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, ‘As pretty as an airport’.” –Douglas Adams
  5. “There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you’re anxious to meet people who do.” –Rich Jeni
  6. “I suspect that LaGuardia is an elaborate prank, and New York has a real airport nearby that only locals know about.” –Dave Barry
  7. “I love it when the flight attendant says, ‘Your seat cushion becomes a flotation device’. Well, why doesn’t the plane just become a boat?” –Steve Shaffer
  8. “In flying, the probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival.” –Neil Armstrong
  9. “You want to know what it’s like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don’t stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breathe your own air over and over and over.” –Lewis Black
  10. “Any time you fly somewhere, don’t pay your credit card bill. If the plane crash lands, those people will never stop looking for you.” -Kelkulus

inspirational travel quotes

Inspirational Travel Quotes

Ok, as you all know I am all about inspiration. Here is a mixture of inspirational and funny travel quotes.

  1. “Your vibe attracts your tribe!” –Unknown
  2. “The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.” –Henry David Thoreau
  3. “Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” –Andre Guide
  4. “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.” –Marcel Proust
  5. “If you don’t have a stupid travel story to tell, you did something terribly wrong!” -Unknown
  6. “I have wandered all my life, and I have also traveled; the difference between the two being this, that we wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment.” – Hilaire Belloc
  7. “Too often travel, instead of broadening the mind, merely lengthens the conversations.” Elizabeth Drew
  8. “Work hard, travel harder.” –Unknown
  9. “I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list.” –Susan Sontag
  10. “Our happiest moments as tourists always seem to come when we stumble upon one thing while in pursuit of something else.” –Lawrence Block
  11. “The tans will fade, but the memories will last forever.” –Unknown
  12. “A journey is best measured in friends, rather than miles.” –Tim Cahill
  13. “Travel becomes a strategy for accumulating photographs.” –Susan Sontag
  14. “Can we just skip to the part of my life where I travel the world?” -Unknown

Travel Budget Quotes

  1. “Screw the caviar, I want to travel the world!” –Unknown
  2. “To travel is worth any cost or sacrifice.” –Elizabeth Gilbert
  3. “At the end of the day…I’d rather like to have a lot of stories to tell, than a full bank account.” -Unknown
  4. “Backpacking is money spent on education.” –Unknown
  5. “I wish that road trips could pay my bills.” –Unknown
  6. “Work, save, travel, repeat.” -Unknown

Packing Travel Quotes

  1. “Overpack. It’s why suitcases have wheels now.” –Unknown
  2. “Orville Wright said to his brother, ‘Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?” –Red Buttons
  3. “I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.” –Bob Hope
  4. “How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?” –George Roberts
  5. “The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.” -foodandwhining
  6. “I love that we squeeze so much into out luggage that we have to sit on it to make it close, but then are outraged when the zipper breaks” Anonymous

Funny Travel Quotes about Destinations & More

  1. “Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.” – Phyllis Diller
  2. “The Spanish government, having run completely out of money, secretly sold the Pyrenees to China, and is now separated from France only by traffic cones.” –Dave Barry
  3. “If you’re going to America, bring your own food.” –Fran Lebowitz
  4. “People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal.” –Melanie White
  5. “Las Vegas is sort of how God would do it if he had money.” –Steve Wynn
  6. “When it’s three o’ clock in New York, it’s still 1938 in London.” –Bette Midler
  7. “Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything!” –Steve Martin
  8. “When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is.” –Fran Lebowitz
  9. You know you’re in India when you hear yourself telling your driver as he is backing up, “Careful, there is a cow behind you.”– Lydia Ramsey
  10. “A cruise ship is a floating town of lazy people.” –Garrison Keillor
  11. “Recently I found myself arguing with a British friend of mine over which tastes better: English cooking or dirt”. –Bruce Cameron
  12. “Life is not a fairytale. If you lose your shoes at midnight, you are drunk!” -Unknown
  13. “You and I come by road or rail, but economists travel on infrastructure.” –Margaret Thatcher
  14. “No matter how many times I visit NYC, I am always struck by the same thing- a yellow taxicab.” –Scott Adams

What the F*** Funny Travel Quotes

  1. “Life is not a fairytale. If you lose your shoes at midnight, you are drunk!” -Unknown
  2. “I need 6 months of vacation, twice a year.” -Unknown
  3. Education is important, but travel is importanter!” -Unknown
  4. “All you need is love and a passport.” –Unknown
  5. “The cool thing about being famous is traveling. I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff.” – Britney Spears
  6. “The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.” –Russel Baker
  7. “There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.” –Robert Benchley
  8. “I want someone to look at me the way I look at travel magazines!” -Unknown
  9. “I need a vacation so long that I forget my passwords!” -Unknown

Do you have a great Travel Quote? Let us know in the comments and we will add it to the list

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